


I Can Hear The Bells

by Devils_Official



Series: Askbox Fics [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Arranged Marriage, Assassination attempts, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Implied Child Abuse, M/M, Pining Sendak, Slow Burn, Zarkon’s A+ Parenting, technically, yes you read that correctly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-03 00:05:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16797445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devils_Official/pseuds/Devils_Official
Summary: Zarkon decides to marry off his rebellious son, Lotor, to his favorite commander, Sendak.(Or, an arranged marriage AU because my anons have good taste and I love arranged marriage AUs.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Original Prompt: arranged marriage Lodak AU In which Zarkon tries to control and take power from his “rebellious”/“unworthy” son by having him marry Sendak (bonus: Sendak thus counts as royalty and he can name him his heir over Lotor and Zarkon just loves how this solves all his problems in one go, hoping that it’ll also sap Lotor’s spirit if he has to perform his marital duties) except that Sendak is a good person and very much in love with Lotor and pining fiercely  
> And at first Lotor would be very cold and bitter probably cause he didn’t sign up for this and his father is an ass and maybe he’s also a bit scared cause he’s small and he knows Sendak could take what he wanted from him without much effort and he hates that. But then maybe he notices that Sendak is actually good because he’s always polite and treats him with respect and never pushes him. And yeah I guess he grows on him.  
> And then Zarkon tries to have Lotor killed (he has his heir now) and Sendak saves him (probably by romantically throwing himself in front of him like the sap he is) and Lotor is 100% terrified that Sendak is gonna die because of him and he realizes that he loves him and that he should have told him that.  
> And yeah Sen wakes up and Lotor is immediately kissing him and maybe he muses about how he should put himself in mortal peril more often if it means he gets to wake up to a kiss from the most beautiful person in the universe.

Lotor did not look at anyone in particular. Not his father, who had arranged this spectacle; not Commander Sendak, who was, at best, simply another pawn, and at worse would be the new master of Lotor’s torments; not Dayak, who was supposed to be on his side. She was not his mother, but she was the closest thing he’d ever had, and-

And yet she had done nothing to stop this. 

There was no way out of this that Lotor could see. He was being married off to a man he couldn’t stand, and there was nothing he could do about it. 

If he refused, there was no telling what his father might do. It wouldn’t be pleasant. It would only add new scenarios to Lotor’s nightmares. 

Lotor was not an optimist, but all he could do now was hope that the cruelty and sadism Commander Sendak showed on the battlefield did not translate to his personal life. And if it did… Perhaps it wouldn’t be as personal as the hatred his father felt for him. 

So he didn’t look at anyone during the ceremony, just stared at his hands, which were clasped in Commander Sendak’s -both of his hands were larger than Lotor’s, but the prosthetic was absolutely monstrous -hoping that no one knew how  _ afraid _ he was right now. 

It ended, finally, and he had only one more phrase to parrot back: “I, Prince Lotor, accept the duties and responsibilities of marriage. Your honor is mine. Let me show no mercy to those who seek to tear us asunder.” 

Everything else passed in a blur, the cold dread only building as his father named Sendak his heir -he was royalty, now, wasn’t he? -as his father stripped away all of his properties and holdings and accounts, leaving him completely dependent on Sendak for everything, powerless and alone and-

He was not required to let Sendak hold his hands for this part, so he dug his claws into his palms as he tried not to let a single emotion slip.  _ Never let anyone see anything bother you. They will use it against. They will make it hurt.  _

If he’d had more warning, maybe he could have thought of a way out of this, but that was surely why his father hadn't told why he was being summoned back to Central Command. He didn’t want Lotor to find a way out of this trap.

And it had worked. There was nothing he could do now, except maybe petition for an annulment, although it would surely be rejected, regardless of whatever grounds Lotor cited. His father was unlikely to care if Sendak abused him, after all, when he himself had-

Lotor numbly let Sendak lead him out to the feast that was held after, and every high-ranking officer came by to congratulate them on their union. Sendak made polite conversation with them, and Lotor sat at his side, picking at his food. 

His father had chosen not to attend, for whatever reason (although rumor stated that he didn’t need to eat anymore). Lotor preferred it that way, but, given the circumstances, he couldn’t muster up any real gratitude. 

The feast was merely a delay, a stay of execution. Eventually, Sendak would be expected to lead him away from the feast, to their rooms, where-

Lotor didn’t want to. But he had no choice in the matter. Sendak was large and strong enough that he could take whatever he wanted from Lotor without much effort. 

And Lotor would be able to do nothing to stop it. 

It was a wedding feast, and with his father absent, the officers were less restrained than they might have been otherwise, telling the sorts of bawdy jokes often told at such events. Everyone knew what was going to happen once Sendak led him out of here. 

Lotor tried to ignore them, but it was difficult. 

Especially when the officers began remarking on how late it was getting and wasn’t it strange that the newlyweds hadn’t snuck out yet? 

“It’s getting late,” Sendak said finally, the first time Sendak had spoken to him all day. 

“So it is,” Lotor said, as neutrally as he could. 

“We should go.”

As if Lotor had any say in the matter. He nodded. Maybe it was best to just get this over with. At least then he’d know what to expect in the future. Sendak was a strong, virile man; he had needs, and Lotor was expected to fulfill those needs. A marital duty. 

He followed Sendak out of the hall -even through the thick doors, he could hear the lascivious laughter of the wedding guests echoing after them -to their quarters. Not far from where Lotor had slept as a child, as it happened, now that Sendak was royalty and was to be accommodated as such. 

He stopped in the doorway of the bedroom, suddenly far too nervous to take another step. He didn’t dare look at Sendak -whatever was lurking behind his eyes, Lotor didn’t want to see -so he just stared at his feet. He felt sick already, and was trembling all over, but he doubted that Sendak would care or even notice. 

There was a reason his father had chosen Sendak for this, and Lotor doubted it was because his father had thought that Sendak would actually make a good husband for him. 

He finally managed to bring his hands up to the clasps that held the red-and-gold cape in place; it fell to the floor behind him, startling loud, especially since neither of them had spoken yet.

It didn’t really matter; nothing Lotor said would stop this, and nothing Sendak said would make Lotor hate him any less afterwards. 

A hand caught his wrist before he could begin unfastening the catches on his flightsuit. “We don’t have to,” Sendak said, surprisingly gentle. 

Lotor looked up before he could stop himself. He didn’t know what to call the emotion in Sendak’s eye. 

But he knew that he couldn’t take it, whatever it was. He pulled away from Sendak’s grip, and he knew he could only because Sendak let him. “Just get it over with,” he muttered. 

“If and when I bed you,” Sendak said, “it will be at the time and place of your choosing.”

“Then do it now and get it over with. Don’t make me wait in anticipation for you to rape-“

“I will  _ never _ do that to you. Do you understand? That goes against every vow I swore today, every value my parents taught me, every standard I hold myself to. I don’t expect you to love me, now or ever, but I don’t want you to fear me.” 

“I don’t fear you,” Lotor lied. “I hate you. You’re no better than my father.”

Sendak was silent for a long moment. “I know that he hurts you,” he said quietly. “I will never-“

“You don’t know anything!” Lotor spat. 

The silence was even longer this time, but finally Sendak sighed. “It’s late. You should sleep. You can have the bed; I’ll be in the other room.”

Lotor didn’t bother locking the door when Sendak left; he probably had the override code anyway.

And… If he put up too much of a fuss, Sendak might ask for an annulment. While Lotor didn’t particularly want to be married, to him or anyone, failure at this would surely make his father angry, and then…. 

Lotor curled up on the bed, muffling his sobs as best as he could. It was so hopeless, and he was so afraid, and… And he couldn’t do anything. He had no money, no resources, and even if he did have somewhere to go, Sendak’s honor would almost surely demand his retrieval, and…

He cried himself to sleep, as if he was a child again. He could practically hear Dayak’s admonishments: “Princes don’t cry. Princes don’t show their emotions. You are the Prince of the Galra Empire, and you are stronger than this.”


	2. Chapter 2

The sofa was surprisingly comfortable, but then again, Sendak could have slept pretty much anywhere. Years as a soldier did come in handy sometimes. 

It was still early. They would be leaving Central Command later in the day and returning to Sendak’s sector, but in the meantime, everyone was likely to leave the newlyweds alone. 

Which was probably a good thing. Sendak wanted a chance to prove himself to Lotor, whatever it took, and that would be easier if he wasn’t being interrupted every five minutes. 

He hadn’t asked for this. He wouldn’t have dared to ask for this. But it was an undeniable truth that he’d had feelings for Lotor for years now, practically since the first time they’d met. 

Even if none of that were true, he couldn’t have denied the Emperor, even in such a personal matter. This was a great honor, marrying into the royal family, becoming Zarkon’s heir. He hadn’t worked so hard to rise up the ranks as quickly as he had just to throw it all away now. 

He tapped lightly on the door to the bedroom. There was no response, so he cracked the door and peered in. 

Lotor was fast asleep, curled up as small as possible. Even in his sleep, his brow was furrowed with worry, and he was shivering slightly.

Gently- as gently as possible -Sendak pulled a spare blanket from the foot of the bed over him.

Lotor relaxed slightly, but didn’t wake. 

Sendak crossed the room to the bathroom to shower and do his morning grooming.

By the time he was done, Lotor was waking up.

“Good morning,” Sendak said. 

Lotor flinched, but then he nodded. “Good morning,” he said, a little meekly. As if he was expecting… what? 

“There’s breakfast in the front room, whenever you’re ready.”

Lotor nodded again. He was adorable first thing in the morning, still a little sleepy and rumpled.

It was a sight Sendak would like to see every morning, but. Well. It probably wasn’t to be. 

“We should talk,” Sendak said finally. “We didn’t get the chance to, yesterday, so…”

Lotor shrugged, picking at a loose thread on the bedspread. 

Sendak didn’t know what else to say, so he went back to the front room to eat.

Lotor joined him a few minutes later, sitting as far away as he could, still subdued and quiet. 

“I want to apologize,” Sendak said finally. “This was not my idea, but as I’m sure you know, when the Emperor wants something done…”

Lotor shrugged again. “Don’t expect me to feel sorry for you.”

“I don’t.” 

Lotor was silent for a long, long time, picking at his breakfast the same way he’d picked at dinner last night. “My father passed me off to you so that you could control me. So that I’m not his problem anymore. And so that he has an heir he won’t be embarrassed by. It’s a very neat solution. Perhaps he even thinks that you’ll force me to perform my marital duties, and that it will sap the very spirit from me.”

“You’ve thought a lot about this.”

“My mind is all I have left,” Lotor said very quietly. 

Sendak sighed. “Look, we are married now, and maybe neither of us asked for this, but I have certain duties and obligations to you, too. I will take care of you, I swear, whatever you need. I don’t expect anything in return. I know that you hate me right now, and I know that if I forced you to do anything you don’t want to, then you’d probably only hate me more.”

“But you could,” Lotor whispered. “You could, and it wouldn’t matter. Why would you care if I hated you?” 

Should Sendak just come out with it? Or was Lotor just too suspicious for him to accept Sendak’s confession? Would he think this was a trick of some kind? 

He stood, walked over to where Lotor was sitting, and knelt by his feet. Lotor watched, riveted yet confused, leaning away slightly, as if to brace himself.

That made Sendak both sad and furious. Lotor shouldn’t have to be afraid of him or anyone else. 

Still, Lotor let him take his hands in his. “Lotor. Please, all I ask is that you let me prove myself to you. I swear that I will never harm you, that I will never take anything from you that you don’t want to give. I swear to you that you don’t need to be afraid of me, or anyone else, because I will protect you, from everyone, even myself. You probably don’t believe me right now, but it is the truth.”

“Why?” Lotor whispered. There was a rawness in his voice and behind his eyes. This was probably more vulnerability than Lotor was used to showing; once, when they were younger, and Sendak had been tasked with training him, another cadet had broken three of Lotor’s fingers while sparring. Not only had Lotor finished the match, he’d won, and then finished the session, never complaining once, never giving any indication that he was in pain. 

But this was a different type of vulnerability. 

“Lotor,” Sendak began. He didn’t quite know how to continue. This was something new for him, too, and while he was not exactly afraid in the same way that Lotor was… “Lotor, I have had feelings for you for...a very long time, now, and I- I don’t expect you to return those feelings, but if the only way I can express them is by taking care of you, then-“

“Feelings?” Lotor scoffed. “You mean to tell me that you love me? How do I know that this wasn’t your idea, then?” He pulled his hands free and turned away, shutting Sendak out.

“I would never… I didn’t think you’d want me, considering….everything. You’ve never shown any interest in me, or anyone else, so I… I didn’t want to press my luck. I’m sorry it ended up like this, but please believe me when I say that this was not my idea. I never would have wanted to force you into anything.”

“Please go,” Lotor said flatly.

“What?”

“Please. Go,” Lotor repeated. “Before I do something I will regret.”

Sendak hesitated, then stood and nodded. “I’ll be leaving Central Command later today to rejoin my fleet. It would probably be for the best if you came with me.” 

Lotor nodded. “I’ll be there.” 

* * *

Lotor was there, when it was time to depart, at least physically. His mind was somewhere else, and he was cold and distant, but Sendak really couldn’t blame him. 

Part of Zarkon’s wedding present had been a brand-new flagship, which was what they would take back to Sendak’s fleet. Lotor didn’t say anything as he went to their quarters, and Sendak decided to give him space and check out the bridge instead.

He was prepared for some good-natured ribbing from some of the higher-ranking crew members; he wasn’t prepared to walk onto the bridge and catch the words “frigid, spiteful brat” coming from Haxus’s mouth, only for him to shut up as soon as he noticed Sendak. 

“Commander,” Haxus greeted, hurriedly changing the subject. “Back on the bridge so soon after your wedding?”

“My personal life is none of your business, Lieutenant. Set a course to rejoin the fleet.”

“Yes, Commander,” Haxus said, a little sullenly, but Sendak chose to ignore that. 

Sendak had heard all sorts of rumors about Lotor, most of which he assumed were complete fabrications. “Frigid, spiteful brat” was probably one of the least insulting things Sendak had ever heard about him, but that didn’t mean he wanted his crew to talk about Lotor,  _ his husband _ , like that. 

“Haxus.”

“Yes Commander?”

“Let me remind you that Prince Lotor is my husband, and if I ever hear you speak about him like that again, you will spend the rest of your life cleaning the waste disposal system with your bare hands. Am I clear?”

“Yes, Commander.” 


	3. Chapter 3

The quarters were impressive enough, Lotor supposed, but then, his father had always liked Sendak; of course he’d given him such a nice, practically  _ luxurious, _ ship. 

The quarters were more than large enough to share, which was the only part Lotor really cared about. It would reflect poorly on both of them if they didn’t share quarters, now that they were married, so it wasn’t like he could request his own set of rooms. Nor could he kick Sendak out of these ones. 

So. 

It wasn’t like Sendak would use them much during the day, anyway, when he was needed on the bridge, commanding his fleet. They could make this work.

Even if they couldn’t, Lotor had no choice but to put up with it.

Sendak returned later in the evening, with dinner and few items he kept more-or-less out of Lotor’s line-of-sight. 

Lotor ate, not really tasting anything. 

“I spoke to Dayak, before she left Central Command,” Sendak said finally. “She said you didn’t say goodbye?”

“I had nothing to say to her,” Lotor said coldly. 

“She wanted to apologize.”

“I don’t care.”

Sendak sighed, and Lotor wondered how far he’d have to push for Sendak to really get angry, not just exasperated. He didn’t really want to test it, though. 

“I have a few things for you,” Sendak said, changing the subject. 

“Not even my father tried to buy my affection with gifts,” Lotor said. 

“That’s not what I’m trying to do,” Sendak said. “I just… I want you to be happy here.”

“Happy?” Lotor asked, incredulous. “You think that I could ever be happy here? Constantly watched by my father's protege, my replacement; constantly afraid that if I screw up, you’ll send me back, and my father will punish me; powerless and alone and- and vulnerable, without recourse if you ever-“

Sendak set a long, thin knife on the table between them. “You don’t trust me. Fine. I understand. Now you don’t have to.”

Lotor stared at the knife. “I cannot begin to imagine what you would do if I tried to use that on you.”

“Use it well enough, and you would never find out.”

Lotor couldn’t stifle the surprised laugh that bubbled out of him. “I suppose that’s incentive enough for you to keep your hands to yourself.”

“That was the idea, yes. I’ve seen you fight before; I know you know how to use that.” 

Lotor mercilessly crushed the swell of pride within his chest. That was not a compliment, just a statement of fact. He took the knife and slipped it into his boot. “I suppose it has other uses, too. Warn your crew to leave me alone.”

Sendak’s ear twitched, but he just nodded. “They know better.” He cleared his throat. “Dayak said you were something of an artist? So this is also for you.” 

Lotor took the tablet and stylus Sendak proffered. “I… Thank you.” He wouldn’t exactly call himself an artist, but he did enjoy sketching out various things (diagrams and blueprints, mostly). “I guess I’ll have something to do now.”

“About that,” Sendak began. “You have an impressive record. Not many could have eked out the living you managed in the outer reaches of the Empire, with only the cast-offs of other fleets.”

It struck Lotor suddenly, what Sendak was getting at. “You… want my input?”

“If you want to give it. You were always an accomplished strategist, even back when I was training you.”

“It was my ‘input’ that got me exiled in the first place.”

Sendak shrugged. “I’ll deal with the Emperor.” 

No one had ever offered that before, and it was… Everyone was afraid of the Emperor. Even Sendak had to be, somewhere deep down inside. But he was offering to deal with one of Lotor’s biggest fears, and… “I will...consider it,” Lotor said. “Thank you.”

Sendak grinned, almost rakishly, and, hesitantly, shyly, Lotor returned it. 

* * *

A lot changed, but a lot stayed the same, too. Sendak was usually on the bridge by the time Lotor woke up (a combination of Sendak’s habit of waking early and the fact that Lotor hadn’t been sleeping well, although that was nothing new) so Lotor had their quarters to himself most mornings.

When he had his choice of living arrangements, he usually chose smaller suites. He didn’t need very much, on his own, but now… It was nice. A little bit like luxury. 

Lotor still spent time on the training deck, he still looked over reports, he still did a lot of the things he used to do. 

It was just… Sometimes, when he ate breakfast, there would be a small gift of some sort on the tray. Usually not much: an exotic fruit, a book or two, a set of cloak pins.

It was only when Sendak left an exceedingly pretty golden ear cuff did he realize what was going on. 

He confronted Sendak about it that evening, not really wanting to drag it out in front of Sendak’s crew. 

“Are you courting me?” Lotor asked, as calmly as he could.

“I- I told you that I had feelings for you.”

“We are already married. What are you hoping to accomplish?”

Sendak sighed. “Lotor… If you want me to stop, I will. It was not my intent to make you uncomfortable.”

“That is not what I asked.”

Sendak looked suddenly chagrined. “I just… I thought you might like to be courted properly, the way you deserve. I really do wish it didn’t have to be this way, and I am sorry that it is, but I want this to be good for you.”

Lotor swallowed. He’d seen Sendak command his fleet, he’d seen him fight in battle and on the training deck; this was not quite the same man, and maybe it was that discrepancy that made him so… “Do you mean that?”

“Yes,” Sendak said immediately, firmly. “I do care for you, Lotor. If you still hate me, I understand, but I hope, in time… Maybe it will be different.”

“And if it’s not?”

Sendak sighed again. “Whatever makes you happy. If I ask for an annulment, I’m sure your father would grant it.”

“You can’t,” Lotor protested. “No matter what reason you gave, he’d see it as a failure on my part. I wasn’t good enough or… I don’t know. But he would…”

“Punish you?” Sendak asked quietly.

Lotor could only nod. He didn’t know, exactly, what Zarkon would do, but it wouldn’t be pleasant. ”I am safer here,” he said finally. “Regardless of what you do to me.” 

Anger flashed across Sendak’s face, and Lotor involuntarily took a step back. 

Sendak noticed, and schooled his expression. “I am not angry at you, for any reason,” he clarified. “I am angry at your father, for all the things he has done to you, to make you afraid of him.”

“I am not the easiest person to get along with,” Lotor whispered. “What happens when you do get angry at me?” A question he’d had since the wedding; Sendak had a temper, he knew, but how would that translate here? 

“We’re adults, Lotor. We can talk about things. I will never lay a hand on you out of anger, I swear it.”

“Your actions are far more important to me than your promises.”

“Then, have I broken any promise I have made to you thus far? Have I made you do anything you don’t want to? Have I ever hurt you?”

“No,” Lotor whispered. “But…”

Sendak sighed. “But I could, and we both know that. What do I need to do to make you more comfortable here?”

Lotor shook his head. “I...don’t know. You’ve already been so- so  _ kind _ , and it’s… I don’t think you are the man my father thinks you are. I cannot reconcile the differences between the commander and the man. Perhaps I am...afraid, that this isn’t...real, and that when you get what you want from me, it will change. So I don’t think there is anything you could do.”

“You don’t trust anyone, do you?” Sendak asked softly.

“No one’s ever given me reason to.” 

Sendak stepped closer, just a little, an invitation for Lotor to either meet him halfway or step away completely and be done with it. 

Perhaps it was Sendak’s sincerity that compelled him to take that step forward. Easily within striking distance -for Sendak, certainly; his reach was longer -but…

“I don’t want you to give me your trust,” Sendak said. “I want to earn it.”

“Ever ambitious, aren’t you?” Lotor said. 

“It’s gotten me this far.” Slowly, oh-so-slowly, he brought a hand up. There was no tension, no aggression in his posture, and perhaps that was why Lotor held still. He was afraid, yes, uncertain as to what, exactly, Sendak was doing, but also curious. 

Sendak gently brushed a strand of hair back from his face, stroked his thumb over his cheek bone. It was all Lotor could do to stay still and allow this. He couldn’t actually remember the last time someone had touched him this gently. Maybe never. 

Galra were social creatures, to some extent, and they needed friendly physical contact with other Galra, and yet…

Lotor pulled away, trying not to gasp for air. This was stupid, childish; why should he be so affected by this? He didn’t need anyone, and he certainly didn’t need Sendak. He’d survived on his own for this long, and he could keep doing it, forever, if he needed to, here or anywhere else. It didn’t matter. 

He left without a backwards glance. 


	4. Chapter 4

Lotor had more or less been avoiding Sendak since his miscalculation. Sendak couldn’t really blame him; Lotor hadn’t been ready for it, and he needed time to...process.

It was a big ship, and Lotor had the schematics; if he didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t be.

So when he appeared on the training deck and waited for Sendak to finish his match, Sendak could only assume that he was ready to talk. 

“You fight ruthlessly,” Lotor said finally. “Without hesitation.”

“Even the barest hesitance can cost lives, in battle,” Sendak replied. The other officers were pretending not to watch, but he knew that whatever happened here would be all over the ship by dinner. 

Lotor nodded. “And yet brashness and urgency can cost just as many lives. Is it better to rush in first, or wait to find the right point to strike?”

“That depends,” Sendak said. “Any action taken must be decisive, but no action should be undertaken without knowledge of the objective.” 

Lotor hummed thoughtfully, then pushed himself away from the wall. “Will you spar with me,  _ Husband _ ?” 

It was all Sendak could do to not choke on his own tongue. “O-of course.” He’d always liked sparring with Lotor, for a number of reasons that had nothing to do with the attraction he’d been nursing for years. 

Haxus was never going to let this go, once he heard about it. The other officers weren’t even pretending to ignore them anymore, openly gawking, whispering among themselves. 

Lotor ignored them, fighting with the same vigor and grace he always did. He was a master at waiting for the right moment to strike, never letting Sendak draw him in before he was ready, evading more than engaging.

And yet he was ruthless, too, when he was forced to engage. Others would have been fooled by Lotor’s stature, and would have made deadly mistakes, but Sendak knew better, and finally, he had Lotor pinned to the wall, weaponless, a blade at his throat. 

And then Lotor laughed breathlessly. “A draw, Commander.” 

Something poked sharply into Sendak’s abdomen, and he glanced down. The knife he’d given Lotor, angled so that it would pierce both his liver and kidney with a single flick of Lotor’s wrist.

Sendak stepped back. “A good match.”

“It was,” Lotor agreed. “Do you have a few minutes?”

“For you? Of course.”

One of the officers made a slightly too-loud comment about a “private sparring session” and Sendak remembered that they weren’t, in fact, alone. 

Lotor’s ears twitched, but he didn’t react otherwise. “I… wanted to go over a few things with you.”

“Of course. I was finishing up here anyway.” 

Lotor walked with him back to their quarters. “I looked over the fleet’s finances,” Lotor began without preamble. “And I think you could commission two new ships like this one easily, and then…” He brought up a map. “The extra firepower would allow you to finish claiming this sector, here, with minimal casualties.”

Sendak studied the map. This new ship was well-built, heavily armed. Having two more like it in the fleet would make a difference. He nodded thoughtfully.

“It’ll be five years before the ships are completed,” Lotor continued, “but-“

“There are two ships like this in construction already,” Sendak said. “Prorok commissioned them. They’ll be ready for their initial launches in a few months, but I think, if I present this plan to the Emperor, he would give them to me, instead.”

“As long as he didn’t know it came from me,” Lotor said. 

Sendak sighed. “There is that. Five years isn’t a very long time to wait.”

“Do it,” Lotor said. “Present the plan. Get the ships.”

“You...don’t want credit for this?”

Lotor shrugged. “I don’t really care. My father wouldn’t be proud of me, anyway, and ultimately, it’s not about the credit.”

“Then what is it about?”

Lotor turned away slightly. “I don’t know. Not feeling like a waste of space, I suppose. It’s not much, really, but…”

“Do you really feel like a waste of space?” Sendak asked, his heart breaking a little.

“I’m superfluous now. My father has his heir. He doesn’t need me anymore, and he never really wanted me. So. I might as well be useful to someone. That’s why you wanted my input, right? So I could be useful to you?”

“No,” Sendak said immediately. “I wanted your input because you have good ideas. Not because I think you need to -to earn your keep or anything.”

“Oh,” Lotor said.

* * *

A piercing scream woke Sendak, and, before he even really knew what was happening, he knew where it had come from and was already on his way to the bedroom. 

Where Lotor was sleeping. Was he alright? The security for their quarters was very good, but maybe someone had-

In the dark, Lotor’s eyes glowed yellow as he looked around frantically, wild-eyed, unaware.

There was no one else in the room; Sendak relaxed marginally. He still didn’t really know what was going on, but at least it wasn’t an assassination attempt. 

Sendak moved closer to the bed, needing to make sure Lotor was alright. He knelt down at the bedside. “Lotor?”

Lotor flinched, hard, and shrank away, breathing heavily.

“Lotor. Lotor, look at me.”

Lotor hesitated a long moment, but he did eventually, his eyes wide with fear and confusion. 

Sendak took one of his hands. “Do you know where you are?” 

Lotor nodded slowly.

“Good. Do you know what happened?”

“I… I had a bad dream,” Lotor said finally.

He didn’t say more, and Sendak didn’t push. He just rubbed his thumb over Lotor’s hand in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. 

Lotor’s breathing slowly returned to normal, but even then, he let Sendak hold his hand.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sendak asked finally.

“Not really.”

“Alright.” 

“It’s late,” Lotor said after a few more minutes. “I know you have to get up early in the morning.”

“I’m the commander,” Sendak said. “No one is going to say anything if I’m running late.”

Lotor paused, opened his mouth. Shut it. Looked away. Used his free hand to pull back the covers on the other side of the bed. Patted the mattress. 

Was he really-? It was more than Sendak had dared hope for, but… He looked back at Lotor. “Are you sure?”

Lotor squeezed his hand, just a little, and nodded. “I sleep with a knife under my pillow,” he said quietly. “Just so you know.”

Sendak huffed a laugh. “I’ll remember that.” Slowly, deliberately, he brought Lotor’s hand to his mouth and brushed a kiss over his knuckles.

Lotor’s breath hitched, but he didn’t pull away. 

Sendak stood and walked around to the other side of the bed, before crawling in. The bed was more than large enough for both of them -Lotor didn’t take up much room -so it would easy for them to keep to their own sides. “Good night, Lotor.”

“Good night.” 


	5. Chapter 5

Lotor woke slowly, a gentle slide into awareness, his usual alertness seemingly unnecessary. 

Why-?

An arm was draped almost possessively over his waist, and that was a new development. 

One he didn’t quite hate, exactly. 

It was nice, almost. 

He almost relaxed back into sleep, except Sendak was rousing, and they were going to have to deal with this, probably. 

He didn’t really want to. Couldn’t he just...have this? 

Lotor sighed, and, behind him, Sendak started. 

“You’re awake,” Sendak murmured, half-surprised.

“I am.” 

“It’s still early.”

Lotor glanced at the timepiece. “No, it’s not.” 

Sendak looked too. “Shit!” He jumped out of bed and started getting ready for the day.

“Language, Commander,” Lotor said mildly, vaguely amused by this turn of events. “I thought you said no one would care of you were running late?”

“Lotor, we were recently married. What sort of rumors do you think are going to start because of this?”

“Does it matter? We  _ are _ married. I’m sure your entire crew thinks they know what we get up to.” 

“I have a reputation to maintain.” Sendak finished getting dressed and hurriedly tried to tame his crest in the mirror.

“Your reputation was tarnished the moment you married me. This would perhaps be the least damaging rumor ever uttered about me.”

“I don’t understand why you put up with it,” Sendak said, giving up on his appearance and facing Lotor fully.

“With what? The rumors?” At Sendak’s nod, Lotor shrugged. “At the end of the day, they’re just words. So what if they underestimate me? One day, I’ll prove them all wrong, and by then, it will be too late.”

Maybe it was the fact that Lotor had just woken up, but normally he wouldn’t have said so much, so candidly. 

“You deserve respect, as a prince of the Empire.” 

Lotor shrugged again. “I don’t really care. Does it bother you?”

“You’re my husband. Of course it bothers me.”

Lotor frowned thoughtfully. “Did it bother you before we were married? Or is it only  _ because _ we are married that it bothers you?”

“It’s bothered me the entire time I’ve known you, Lotor. Gods, do you even know what they say about you?”

“Of course,” Lotor said. “The officers at Central Command were never particularly shy about telling me.” 

Sendak growled from deep within his chest, but Lotor knew somehow that it wasn’t directed at him. 

He’d never had someone get angry on his behalf before. 

“If we continue this conversation, you’re going to be even later,” Lotor pointed out. 

Sendak grimaced but nodded. “We’ll talk later.”

“Of course,” Lotor said blithely. They were not going to talk later, if Lotor could avoid it. At least, not about that. 

* * *

At this time of day, the deck containing the officers’ quarters should have been pretty much empty. 

And yet, someone was almost certainly following him. 

They were far enough back that no one else would have noticed, but Lotor liked to be constantly aware of his surroundings, and…

He pretended to be unaware. If they thought he was onto them, they’d surely run and try again later, and Lotor would prefer to just get this over with. 

So.

The distance between them closed, as if this stalker was merely an officer briskly walking to their station. 

As they were about to pass Lotor, though, they grabbed Lotor’s collar, forcing him against the wall. Lotor twisted free, already turning and ducking beneath his attacker’s guard, slashing with the knife he’d unsheathed.

This was not his first assassination attempt. 

The attacker growled and fought back, but his technique was almost laughably amateurish, and Lotor was a little insulted. Whoever had sent this assassin -and he could guess- had vastly underestimated him, by a practically ridiculous degree.

In the end, the attacker slumped to the floor, dead, and Lotor was pretty much unharmed. Covered in blood, but that wasn’t anything a shower couldn’t fix. 

First, though, he should probably tell Sendak that there was an assassin on his ship. There could be more, after all. 

Plus, someone had to clean up the body. 


	6. Chapter 6

Sendak had only recently sworn his oath to the Emperor when he was called before him. 

Unlike most, he wasn’t exactly afraid of Zarkon. It was Zarkon who had trained him, personally, after all. Zarkon who had taken him in after his parents died. 

And now he was a royal officer, a few years earlier than his peers, because he had proven himself worthy of it.

“My son is almost a man,” Zarkon began without preamble. “I would like you to oversee his training.”

“Yes, Sire,” Sendak replied immediately, but his was inwardly surprised. Shouldn’t Zarkon oversee the training of his own son? He’d never officially met the prince, but he’d heard things. 

Well, it wasn’t for him to judge. 

“Use whatever methods you see fit,” Zarkon said. 

“As you command, Sire.” 

Actually meeting the prince was… something else, entirely. The royal family’s affairs were kept quiet, so even the upper echelons of Galra society knew very little about the prince. Only that he was young -not yet a man -and that his mother had died around the time of his birth. 

There were rumors about the prince’s health, of course. He kept mostly to himself, after all, and had apparently not had much training yet. Therefore… It might follow that he was frail in some way. Weak. 

If that was the case, it made sense that Zarkon had kept him out of the public eye. How embarrassing must it be for one’s only son to be unable to even match other Galra his age? 

In reality, the prince was… small. That was the kindest word Sendak could use, and even that was really only neutral at best.

He was short, he was thin, and even his presence was small, like he just...didn’t take up much room. Like he wanted to be overlooked. 

And maybe he did. 

“Captain Sendak,” he said, quietly. Not timidly, exactly. But certainly not with Zarkon’s commanding air. 

“Prince Lotor. I trust you were told the purpose of this?”

“My father wants you to turn me into a warrior that will make him proud. Yes. I’m aware.”

“I’d like you to show me what you can do, so I know what we’ll need to work on, your highness.” Sendak gestured to the cadet he’d chosen for this. Someone discreet and a competent fighter, but also someone who would take direction without complaint or offense. 

The prince sized the cadet up. “Anything goes?” 

“Well, don’t kill him,” Sendak said. “But otherwise, yes. Show me what you know how to do, your highness.”

The prince nodded, and the match began. 

He lost the match. And the next one. And the one after that. 

But he kept getting back up. 

Not only was he tenacious, he learned quickly. He took every piece of instruction Sendak gave him without complaint, nodding thoughtfully, and implemented it in the match as best as he could. 

He still hadn’t won a match, two weeks after the initial session, but he didn’t let that stop him. 

“You cannot win by fighting defensively,” Sendak said. “Eventually, you must engage, and when you do, you must be decisive. At the same time, you don’t have the sheer size required for you to go toe-to-toe with most Galra.”

“I’m not finished growing,” Lotor said, almost haughtily. 

Sendak doubted he’d add more than a few inches. Half-a-foot, if he was lucky. He smelled more and more like a sexually mature adult with every day, and that was a pretty good indication that he was nearly finished growing. He might eventually bulk up -a little -and not be so lean, but even that seemed like a long shot at this point. “Even so, it is best to learn how to defeat your opponents now, with the size and strength you currently have. Your best bet is to simply wait for an opening and take it, without remorse or mercy, and get back out before they can counter you.”

Lotor frowned thoughtfully and nodded.

It was another month before he won his first match. Others might have been discouraged that it had taken that long, but Lotor wasn’t. Not exactly. He just...pushed through.

Sendak didn’t see him outside of their sessions. The prince kept mostly to himself, doing who-knew-what in his free time. Rumor had it that Zarkon was going to give him a posting soon, but that rumor had been circulating on and off for years. 

It was late one evening, and Sendak had been summoned by Zarkon. He was early, waiting outside the rooms, when Lotor emerged.

Sendak knew that Zarkon only rarely spoke personally to his son, so this was...strange, to say the least.

The fact that Lotor was all hunched up on himself, staring at the floor, trembling as he rushed past Sendak… That was something else. 

“Your Highness?” Sendak asked. He still had a few minutes before he was due to meet with Zarkon. 

Lotor froze, but he didn’t look at Sendak. “Captain Sendak.”

Sendak didn’t know why, but he was possessed with a sudden need to see Lotor’s face, to look into his eyes and find out what was wrong. He stepped closer and tilted Lotor’s chin up.

Blood dripped down his chin from his split lip, and one of his eyes was almost swollen shut. “What happened?”

Lotor twisted away. “Nothing. Just… clumsy.”

A lie; Lotor was graceful and agile all the time. 

“Prince Lotor, I-“

“I’m fine.” 

“You’re not. Just-“

“Leave me alone,” Lotor hissed. “Go be the son my father wanted in the first place. I don’t need your fake pity or whatever this is. Just… stop, alright?”

He stormed away, limping slightly. Only a practiced eye would have noticed.

Lotor left Central Command the next day, to oversee a colony of his own. 

Sendak couldn’t stop thinking about him. 

But… It didn’t matter. He had ambitions of his own, so Sendak did his best to put Lotor out of his mind.


	7. Chapter 7

“Commander.”

Sendak turned immediately at the sound of Lotor’s voice. He  _ never _ came to the bridge. 

Lotor was covered in blood, already beginning to dry and flake off.

“Are you alright?” Sendak asked, crossing the bridge to him.

Lotor shrugged. “It’s not mine.” He lifted a hand to his cheek, gently prodding a shallow cut there. “Most of it is not mine.”

The cut oozed blood slowly, but it wasn’t serious. Probably wouldn’t even scar. 

“What happened?” Sendak asked. 

“Someone tried to kill me,” Lotor said. 

Sendak swore under his breath. 

“It’s not a big deal,” Lotor said. “He’s dead.”

“Someone on my crew-“

“I doubt that. Someone probably sent an assassin to take care of me. Not a very good assassin, but-“

“Who would-?“

“Let’s not talk about this here,” Lotor said. He grabbed Sendak’s wrist and began pulling him off the bridge.

“Haxus! The bridge is yours,” Sendak ordered over his shoulder.

“Yes, sir.” 

Lotor took him to where the body was, in the middle of the corridor, laying in a pool of blood. 

Sprays of blood stained the walls, too. “Arterial,” Lotor commented. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Sendak asked.

“I’m fine. But. I… I didn’t want to say anything in front of your crew, but I think I know who is trying to kill me.”

“Who?”

Lotor laughed, a little bitterly. “My father. Who else? He has his heir now; he doesn't need me, and maybe it’s more convenient for him to get me out of the way.”

“Do you really think-?”

“You said that you know what he does to me.” Lotor looked away finally, closing himself off. “So. This is well within the realm of possibility. He’d do it himself, if he could.” 

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

“It is the Emperor’s will,” Lotor said lightly. 

“I used to look up to him,” Sendak began. “But gods, seeing the way he treats you… I can’t imagine treating anyone as special as you like that.”

Lotor’s breath hitched. “You should have someone clean this up,” he said, turning away sharply. “And go through the crew manifest. Identify him, if you can.” 

Lotor left before Sendak could say anything else. 

* * *

They didn’t speak about it again, although Sendak did go through the crew manifest; the assassin wasn’t listed, and Sendak hadn’t really expected him to be. 

He went through the rest of the crew, too, to see if anyone was there that shouldn’t be, but honestly, it was a big ship. There could be other assassins hiding onboard somewhere, and it would take an inordinate amount of effort to comb every square inch of the ship. 

So. 

That night, Lotor left the door to the bedroom open. Was it an invitation? Did Lotor want him to join him? Or was it a trap of some kind? 

Sendak didn’t know. What he did know was that he wanted Lotor, not just physically, and he had no idea if Lotor would ever or could ever want him back. 

He tapped on the door frame.

Lotor looked up from where he was braiding his hair for bed. 

“Do you want me to spend the night?” Sendak asked, deciding that the direct approach was probably best.

“I didn’t think you’d want to end up breaking down the door,” Lotor said with a shrug. A deflection, not an answer one way or the other.

“But what do you want?”

Lotor closed his eyes and sighed. “I want to be far away from all of this. I want to- to go back to my exile, to all the things I did and saw and accomplished and discovered. But I can’t. So what I want doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It matters to me.”

“Why? My gods, you could have married anyone you wanted to and instead, you’re stuck with me until one of us dies. Although,” he said with a bitter laugh, “that might be in the near future, and then you won’t have to worry about it, will you?”

“The only person I could ever imagine myself marrying is you,” Sendak said, quietly, firmly. “Ever since I was old enough to start seriously considering it.” 

Lotor froze, his ears going all the way down and back, a sure sign of his embarrassment. “You don’t mean that,” he said, more like a plea than a statement. 

“I do.”

“You don’t,” Lotor said, more desperately. “You can’t.” 

“I do,” Sendak insisted firmly. “Lotor, I love you. I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you fight. It took me years to realize it, but-”

“I lost. It was a humiliating defeat.”

“You got back up.”

“If I didn’t… If I don’t get back up, then I really am weak, aren’t I? And then everything everyone says about me is true. And it isn’t. It isn’t, alright? I’m not a pathetic, good-for-nothing halfbreed. I’m not a dangerous lunatic or a mongrel whore or a weak bitch or- I don’t even know what. But I’m not, alright? I work twice as hard as everyone else just to prove them all fucking wrong, but they never fucking see it. No matter what I do, it’s never fucking good enough and it never will be.”

Lotor had burst into tears about halfway through his speech, and he didn’t even try to hide it, just let the tears stream down his face, his emotions and voice raw.

“I know,” Sendak said. “I know.” Cautiously, he gathered Lotor into his arms and embraced him. If anyone needed a hug… “I saw it. I see it everyday.”

Lotor pulled away finally. “I need to wash my face,” he said quietly, not looking at Sendak. 

Sendak let him go. He knew that things bothered Lotor, no matter what he said, but he couldn’t have guessed at the depth of his pain. It made him sad and angry and- 

He wanted to tear apart everyone who had ever made Lotor feel like that. 

Lotor came back eventually, the remnants of his outburst washed away. “I’m sorry. That was...undignified.” 

“I don’t mind.” 

“Still. The last person to see me like that was my governess, and she said it wasn’t behavior appropriate for the prince of the Galra.”

Governess? “How old were you?”

“Nine, I think. It’s late. We should…”

Sendak nodded. “Probably.” 

He let Lotor climb into bed first, then stretched out on the far side. 

“You don’t have to stay so far away,” Lotor said softly.

“I don’t want to- to push you,” Sendak said. “We can take this at your pace.”

“And if we never get there?”

“Then we never get there.”

Lotor sighed softly. “You’re so...kind, and respectful, and polite to me. You deserve better.” 

“There is no one better than you.” 


	8. Chapter 8

Lotor woke up gasping for air, clawing at his throat as if that would help.

The dream was already fading, now nothing more than blurs of color: Galra purple, Imperial burgundy, bloody pink. 

His heart still pounded against his rib cage, hard and fast.

“Lotor?” 

Lotor flinched. He’d almost forgotten about Sendak. They were still on their own sides of the bed, but perhaps Sendak was just a light sleeper. “I’m fine,” he said. 

Sendak made a sleepy sound, maybe a disagreement. Maybe not. “Come here?” 

Lotor hesitated. Sendak was barely awake, it was late, and Lotor wasn’t sure if he could get back to sleep. 

And yet.

He didn’t quite want to be alone, either. 

Wordlessly, he moved closer to Sendak, who draped an arm over his waist. 

It was...nice. So incredibly nice. 

Sendak nuzzled the top of his head and started purring sleepily.

No one had ever-?

Lotor blinked back his tears. It wasn’t a big deal. 

Sendak fell back asleep, his breathing evening out, and Lotor couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. 

* * *

For once, Lotor felt well-rested when he woke.

Sendak was still asleep. Still holding Lotor. 

It would be nice to wake up like this every morning, warm and in a good mood. 

Sendak woke a few minutes later. “Good morning.”

Lotor hummed an agreement. “Thank you. You didn’t have to-“

“I know.” He pressed a soft kiss to Lotor’s forehead. “I wanted to.”

“It’s getting late. You should be on the bridge by now.” 

“It can wait.” But he didn’t demand anything more from Lotor. He just held him for a few more minutes, and Lotor let him, because he couldn’t remember ever feeling like this. 

He didn’t know what to call it, exactly, but it was nice. 

It just… It surely couldn’t last, right? Because eventually Sendak would get tired of how frigid he was, how bitter and cold and- And his infatuation would wane, and what then? Would he resent Lotor? Would he take that anger out on him? 

Sendak pressed one more kiss to Lotor’s forehead and rose, sighing. 

He was somewhat more vulnerable first thing in the morning, because he never wore his prosthetic to sleep. It made sense to Lotor. As heavy and awkward as it looked during the day, it had to be worse at night, trying to get to sleep. 

Which was not to say that Sendak wasn’t a dangerous opponent without the prosthetic. He’d always preferred his left arm, but he was just as deadly with his right.

The thing was… He let himself be vulnerable like this in front of Lotor. And it wasn’t because he underestimated Lotor; he knew exactly what Lotor was capable of. 

So why? 

Lotor rose, too. “It’s about time for my morning session on the training deck. Since you’re already late, maybe you could join me?” He didn’t quite know why he asked. Maybe for the sense of familiarity it would bring. Maybe he just didn’t want this sense of… safety to go away just yet. 

“I’d like that.” 

* * *

Unlike most of the people Lotor sparred with, Sendak remained polite and respectful even in the middle of the match. Many Galra used these sessions as a way to hurt Lotor in a way that wasn’t likely to garner punishment; Sendak was different. 

For him, these sessions were all about improving and refining technique, not some sort of petty pissing contest. 

That was something Lotor could respect. 

And he took it seriously, too, unlike most, who just wanted to dick around on the training deck. Sendak hadn’t gotten this far by goofing off, and if Lotor had… 

He would have been killed by now. It was as simple as that. 

But every session had to come to an end eventually; Sendak did have to make an appearance on the bridge at some point. 

Still, it had been good. A restlessness had been building in Lotor, and the exercise certainly helped. 

“We should do this more often,” Sendak said, putting his practice weapon away. 

“I’d like that,” Lotor said. It wouldn’t hurt to have more chances to study Sendak’s technique up close. Just in case. And he liked- 

“Will you come to the bridge with me?” Sendak asked. “There are some navigational charts I’d like you to look at, in preparation for our next campaign.”

“Of course,” Lotor said, finishing his last stretch and standing. “If you want me to.”

“Your sector is nearly twice the size of mine,” Sendak said. “You must have some idea of what-“

“Was,” Lotor corrected. It wasn’t his sector anymore. It had been reapportioned after the wedding. “And it was sparsely inhabited. Most of the planets there had little more than simple plant life.”

“With your help, there’s no reason why we can’t double the size of our sector.”

_ Our _ . It wasn’t  _ theirs _ , not technically, under the conditions of the marriage Zarkon had set. Everything belonged solely to Sendak, leaving Lotor completely dependent on him. 

Sendak didn’t act like that, ever. Lotor had access to all of the accounts, the fleet’s as well as Sendak’s private funds, and he was free to do what he liked with the money (within reason). Almost like this was a more traditional marriage, with all assets owned equally by all parties.

Lotor could not have anticipated this level of respect or consideration. Not from Sendak, of all people. Zarkon’s right hand, his chosen heir. 

Sendak finished straightening his uniform and they began walking out the door. “Alright, let’s-“ He stopped suddenly, ears pricking forward. 

After that, things happened very quickly:

Sendak shoved Lotor behind him, turning to put himself -but mostly his tech arm -between Lotor and…

Lotor caught the high-pitched whine of a detonator.

Something exploded. 

Lotor lay on the floor, blinking up at the ceiling, bursts of color dancing in front of his eyes. His ears rang, but when he reached up, there was no blood.

So that was good. The ringing would go away. Eventually.

Everything hurt a little, but nothing hurt sharply enough to suspect that anything was broken, so he picked himself up. 

Sendak had taken the brunt of the explosion. He must have picked up the sound before Lotor, and used his body to shield him…

Why? 

What an idiotic thing to do. Stupid, foolish, brave…

Lotor would have to tell him that when he woke up.

A thought occurred to Lotor: What if...Sendak never woke up? What if he died from this? What if he died from protecting Lotor?

Oh gods, what if he died? 

Lotor couldn’t hear the alarms, but he could see the emergency lights flashing, so he assumed the alarms were going off. A medical team would be rushing this way. 

Surely, they could save Sendak. 

They had to. 

Lotor fell to his knees at Sendak’s side. 

“Sendak,” he said. He couldn’t hear himself, but he assumed he said it in a normal voice. “Sendak!”

He had field medical training, but he couldn’t currently remember any of it. He couldn’t actually focus on anything; the ringing in his ears was distracting, and he was sort of having trouble breathing.

It took him way longer than it should have for him to realize he was having a panic attack.

The medical team arrived, and one of the techs gently pulled him away from Sendak as the rest got to work.

Lotor did not really want to be led away. “You have to make sure he’s alright,” he told the tech urgently. “He can’t die. You can’t let him die.”

He had no idea what the tech said. Her lips moved, but no sound came out. 

_ I love him. Sendak is going to die because of me. He’s going to die and I never told him that I love him. I love him and I have to tell him and he’s going to die and I need to- _


	9. Chapter 9

Lotor was sitting in a chair by the bedside when Sendak woke. 

That was the first thing he noticed. Not the sterile gray of the medical ward, not the cottony dryness in his mouth, not the pounding headache. 

Just Lotor. Always Lotor. 

Lotor’s ears twitched, and then he looked up from whatever he’d been doing.

And then he was pressed up against Sendak, kissing him desperately, like Sendak was the air he needed to breathe.

Sendak was too startled to kiss back. This was the last thing he’d expected. It was nice (very nice); he just hadn’t been prepared for it.

“Don’t you ever do something that stupid again,” Lotor hissed. “It was stupid and irresponsible and- and you could have died!”

“I didn’t.” Unless he was dead, and this was some very nice afterlife. If so, he wasn’t going to complain. This afterlife contained a very affectionate Lotor. 

“I’m serious,” Lotor said, possessively rubbing his cheek along Sendak’s jaw. “I’m not worth dying for. I was terrified that you were going to die, and I-“ 

“Would you have mourned for me, Lotor?” Sendak asked, brushing the hair back from Lotor’s face. “Perhaps it would have been a solution for you. No longer in a marriage you didn’t want.”

”I love you,” Lotor said, all in a rush. “I love you, you idiot. Don’t fucking make me watch you die, alright? Don’t die for me. I don’t think I could stand it.”

“Oh,” Sendak said. 

Lotor leaned down for another kiss, this one slower and less desperate. 

“I love you, too, Lotor,” Sendak said finally. 

“I was so scared,” Lotor whispered, tucking his head under Sendak’s chin. “I thought you were going to die, and I realized that I love you, and I couldn’t bear the thought of you dying without knowing.”

“I’m alright,” Sendak soothed. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“My father’s trying to have me killed,” Lotor said. “He might stop for now, since you got caught up in the crossfire, but he won’t stop forever. You could get hurt again. And… We live dangerous lives, fighting wars. Something could-“

“I have something to live for,” Sendak said. “Although I might have to put myself in mortal peril more often if it means I get to wake up to kisses from the most beautiful person in the universe.”

Lotor’s ears lowered immediately, a sign that he was unspeakably flustered. It was cute. So fucking cute. “‘M not,” he muttered, turning away. 

“You are,” Sendak insisted. He pulled Lotor down for yet another kiss- he didn’t think he’d ever get tired of kissing Lotor; it was better than he’d imagined -and Lotor went easily. 

“You’re going to have to get used to compliments,” Sendak murmured. “Because I want to shower you in them, like you deserve.”

He could feel the heat radiating off of Lotor’s face from his flush. “I don’t.”

“You do.” He kissed Lotor on either cheek. 

The medical officer came in at that moment, and Lotor scrambled to his feet. 

“Sir,” the medical officer began, addressing Sendak directly. “You sustained a concussion and a few burns, but otherwise no serious injuries; the prosthetic took the brunt of the explosion. Assuming there are no complications, I’ll clear you for regular duty in the morning. Strenuous physical activity should be avoided for the next week.” 

“Has the perpetrator been apprehended yet?” 

“It’s only been a few hours,” Lotor supplied. “They’re still examining the scene.” 

The officer nodded in agreement. “You will be notified immediately as soon as we know more.” He saluted and left.

Lotor sat back down on the bed. “All other injuries were minor,” he said, taking Sendak’s hand in his absently. “It could have been far worse.”

“Were you hurt?”

“No,” Lotor said. “Not really. A few bruises.” 

“Good. That’s the most important thing.” 

Lotor glanced away. “I don’t know how to do...this. I’ve never been in love before.”

“You’re a quick study,” Sendak said. “It’ll be a pleasure to teach you.” 

Lotor huffed a soft laugh. “Alright.” 

* * *

Haxus visited while Lotor was off showering -apparently he hadn’t left Sendak’s bedside while he’d been unconscious, and now that he was awake, Lotor had wanted to wash away the grime and blood -to give Sendak updates and receive new orders.

“You were lucky,” Haxus said. Haxus was probably the only crew member who would have dared to call Sendak out like that, which was one of the reasons he was Sendak’s First Lieutenant. 

“I’ve been told,” Sendak drawled. 

“It was very stupid of you, taking a blast for someone who wouldn’t do the same in return.” 

“Haxus,” Sendak scolded. “My marriage is none of your concern.”

“It is when it puts the life of my commander in danger,” Haxus retorted. “This is the second assassination attempt the prince has faced while onboard this ship, and this is a clear escalation. One day, you won’t be so lucky, and what then?”

“Is it your career you’re worried about, Haxus? Various commanders have tried to get me to part with you over the years. You’ll be fine.” 

“I am not loyal to them. I am loyal to you. You gave me a chance when no one else would. I _like_ serving under your command.”

“Then act like you are under my command!”

They locked eyes for a moment; Haxus looked away first. 

“Of course, sir.”

“I’d like you to do an overhaul of the security measures aboard this ship, top-to-bottom. Allow no one to come aboard or leave until we have caught whoever is responsible.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And Haxus? Try to at least pretend that you respect my husband.”

Haxus nodded and left.

Sendak relaxed back into the bed. His headache had mostly abated, but he had phantom pains in his arm, since his prosthetic had been removed for repairs. Otherwise, he was fine, if a little tired. But that was normal, just his body’s desire to sleep the injury off. 

Lotor returned a few minutes later, slipping into the too-small infirmary cot as if he belonged there. (He did, in Sendak’s opinion.) 

“You don’t have to spend the night here,” Sendak said, although he used his remaining arm to pull Lotor as close as physically possible, so that it would have been difficult for Lotor to leave.

“I want to,” Lotor said softly. 

He smelled freshly showered, like warmth and soap, and his hair was damp; Sendak nuzzled the top of his head anyway. 

“Unless you don’t want me here,” Lotor said after a moment. 

“No, I do,” Sendak reassured. “I want to go to sleep every night with you in my arms, and I want you to be the first thing I see every morning when I wake up.”

“I would have never guessed that you were such a romantic.” 

“I don’t show that side of me to just anyone.” 

“I like it,” Lotor said hesitantly. “It makes me less...afraid.”

“You never have to fear me,” Sendak said. “I swear it, Lotor.”

“I know,” Lotor whispered, looking up to meet Sendak’s eye. “Thank you.” He caressed Sendak’s cheek, then leaned up to kiss him tenderly.

Sendak could not stop himself from purring, even if he’d wanted to. “I love you, Lotor,” he said when Lotor pulled back slightly. 

“I love you, too,” Lotor said. He kissed Sendak once more, on the cheek, then tucked his head under Sendak’s chin, using his chest as a pillow. “Go to sleep. You must be tired, and we can talk more later.”

Sendak decided instantly that he would stay here forever, just like this, if he could. He kissed the top of Lotor’s head. “Alright.” 


	10. Chapter 10

“I’m thinking of taking the day off,” Sendak said, about a week later, after he’d been completely cleared to return to his normal activities and duties. 

“Are you sure? You’re the commander, and-“

“Haxus can handle the bridge, and I’m not going anywhere, if an emergency comes up.”

“Then what are you going to do?” Lotor asked. He had a feeling, but-

“I want to spend the day in bed, with you,” Sendak murmured, leaning across the breakfast table to kiss Lotor on the cheek. “If you want.”

Did Lotor want that? Yes. He did, but…

The issue had hung over them for the past week, while Sendak was recovering from his injuries. Head injuries were always serious, after all, and-

But now that he was better, and they were in love, and already married…

There was no reason to put it off any longer. 

“Lotor?” Sendak took one of his hands and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “If you’d rather do something else-“

Lotor shook his head. “No. No, it’s fine.” He managed a thin smile, but he knew immediately that Sendak could see through him.

“I’m not going to force you into anything you don’t want to do,” Sendak said. 

“I know.” He sighed. “I just- I’m just nervous, is all.”

“Is it your first time?” 

“No,” Lotor said, a little wryly. “Which is perhaps why I’m nervous.”

“Were you-?” 

The unspoken word hung between them, but Lotor shook his head. “No. Nothing like that. Just a few bad experiences.” He huffed a small laugh. “Consensual sex can be unpleasant, too.” 

“I’ll treat you better than that.”

“I know.” And he did know that; no one had ever treated him as kindly as Sendak did. 

“Whatever you want,” Sendak said, pressing another kiss to his knuckles, soft and warm and filled with love. “Even if it’s nothing at all.” 

“I’m told that sex is supposed to be pleasurable,” Lotor drawled. “But that hasn’t been my experience.”

“You’ve never had sex with me,” Sendak pointed out. 

Lotor couldn’t help but smile at Sendak’s cocky reassurance. “Take the day off, then, and we’ll remedy that.” 

Sendak grinned and hurriedly typed out a message to Haxus, before pulling Lotor close and kissing him soundly. 

That was...nice. Very nice. It made Lotor feel pleasantly warm all over. They’d made out several times over the last week, and it was nice every time, Sendak never pushing Lotor into more than he was ready for. 

Lotor had been less nervous the very first time he’d had sex. Maybe because that had been a meaningless fling with some cadet who was almost certainly long-dead. 

“If you want or need to stop at any time, for any reason,” Sendak murmured when he pulled away, “you just have to tell me. I want this to be good for you.”

Lotor flushed a little. “You don’t need to-“

“I want to,” Sendak said softly, firmly. “It’s no hardship at all to please such a lovely creature.”

Lotor’s flush deepened. It was strange that he could withstand every sort of verbal (and sometimes physical) abuse thrown at him, but these kind, sincere words managed to tear him apart. Silently, he nodded; he knew, if he spoke, that his voice would waver, and as much as he loved Sendak -as much as he wanted to trust him wholly -he could not overcome his habit of revealing nothing that could be used against him so quickly. 

Sendak seemed to understand, taking one of Lotor’s hands in his, turning it over so he could place a slow, deliberate kiss to the center of his palm, more promise than anything else. 

Lotor’s breath hitched.

“We were robbed of our wedding night,” Sendak began. “Sometimes I think about what it would have been like, if we had married because we wanted to, not because we were forced to, and I want- If you will permit me, maybe I could…?”

“Yes,” Lotor whispered. He’d never expected romance in his life, but he had it now, and maybe… If Sendak was offering, maybe it was alright to accept. 

Then he had an idea. “I...want to do something for you,” he said, rising from his seat. “I’ll be right back.”

Sendak raised an eyebrow, but nodded, and Lotor slipped into the bedroom. 

It was easy enough to find that last courting gift Sendak had left for him, even if it had been weeks since he’d received it. It was even easier to slip the cuffs over the edge of one ear, so that the fine golden chains draped just so. 

He was nervous when he exited the bedroom again. Wearing a courting gift such as that normally signaled an intent to accept the offer of marriage when it came, but they were already married. So what did it mean now, for them?

Maybe nothing. Maybe...

Sendak was rendered speechless by it, though. 

“Thank you,” Lotor said, turning away slightly, self-conscious. “You have good taste. It’s beautiful.”

“ _ You’re _ beautiful,” Sendak said breathlessly. 

Lotor opened his mouth to protest -he was  _ not _ beautiful, and he knew it, so there was no reason for Sendak to lie about it -except that something in Sendak’s expression stopped him. 

He swallowed. “You...think I’m beautiful?”

“You  _ are _ beautiful.” And then Sendak smiled, fondly, sadly. “I’ll say it as many times as it takes for you to believe it.” He stood and crossed the room to stand in front of Lotor. Not too close, but close enough. 

Lotor closed the space between them. “Words don’t matter,” he said, looking up at Sendak. They’d slept in the same bed for the past week, more often than not waking up tangled in each other, and Lotor had discovered how nice it was to be completely surrounded by someone so much larger than him, safe and warm and protected. Would sex be the same in that regard? “Actions matter.”

“Then,” Sendak said, with a sharp, amused grin, “let me show you.” 

Lotor nodded. He wanted that, he truly did. Some part of him had always craved affection and love and- and if this was the only way he could get it… 

Sendak leaned down to kiss him. For such a large, strong man, he was so incredibly tender. 

That would be the thing that destroyed him, Lotor knew. That was the thing that had already made him fall in love with Sendak. 

So he let Sendak kiss him, desire building, wrapping his arms around Sendak’s neck to pull him closer and keep him there. 

Sendak toyed with the catches of Lotor’s suit, a tacit question; Lotor nodded. 

Sendak broke the kiss, presumably so he could better concentrate on undressing Lotor, slipping the suit off his shoulders and down his arms, letting it bunch around his waist…

He got distracted at some point, stopping to mouth at Lotor’s throat. Lotor tilted his head to one side to allow him better access. Sendak nipped at a bit of skin underneath his jaw, and Lotor’s breath hitched.

“You like that?” Sendak asked.

Lotor could not place his tone, but right now, he didn’t particularly care. “Yes,” he breathed. 

Sendak hummed thoughtfully, as if he was tucking that information away for later. Maybe he was; he was already more attentive than any of Lotor’s previous partners. 

Then he knelt, working Lotor’s suit down his hips, lower… He paused again to press a kiss to the area below Lotor’s navel. He’d never considered it to be particularly sensitive, but now… Maybe in this context…

Sendak’s gaze was like a physical touch, as he studied Lotor, and while Lotor wasn’t particularly self-conscious most of the time, this scrutiny made him flush. With embarrassment, and also something else. 

Sendak pulled his suit down to his mid-thigh, freeing his half-hard cock; Lotor shivered slightly at the temperature change, and at the sound Sendak made: half-moan, half-growl.

He glanced up at Lotor, and there was heat in his eyes, enough heat to rival a sun. “Gods, you are gorgeous,” he murmured, nuzzling the crest of Lotor’s hip. “How lucky I must be to be yours.”

Of all the things Sendak had said so far, that was the one that made Lotor’s cock twitch. 

Sendak had apparently noticed. “I am yours,” he said reverently.

Lotor shuddered out a breath. “And I am yours,” he whispered. He felt...out of his depth, perhaps; this was unlike anything he’d experienced before. 

Which was not to say that he didn’t like it. 

Sendak worked his suit the rest of the way off, and Lotor felt exposed, being nude in front of Sendak, who was still dressed, but also… Maybe it was the way Sendak looked at him, lovingly, hungrily, but he felt...powerful, in a way he’d never felt before. 

Sendak stood slowly, running his hands up Lotor’s body, making soft noises of appreciation, until he was able to cup Lotor’s jaw and tilt his chin up for another kiss. 

This one was more heated, and Lotor could not quite stop the movement of his hips, urgently grinding his cock against Sendak’s leg. 

“Please,” he murmured, not entirely sure what he wanted. Everything, perhaps. “ _ Please _ .”

“I’ll take care of you,” Sendak soothed, before picking Lotor up like he weighed nothing and carrying him to the bedroom. “Let me take care of you.” 

He set Lotor down gently on the bed, before hurriedly stripping out of his own clothing, with far less care than he’d taken with Lotor, like he was eager to return to Lotor, like it was agony to spend even a second away from him.

Lotor...liked the idea, that maybe he was irresistible. Just a little. 

“Have you thought about this?” Sendak asked, settling between Lotor’s knees.

“Maybe,” Lotor hedged. “Once or twice.”

“And what was it like?”

“Nothing like this,” Lotor admitted. “But I like this better.”

Sendak made a low, pleased sound.

“Can I-” Lotor began hesitantly. “Can I touch you?” 

“Please do,” Sendak murmured. 

Lotor reached out, placing a hand on Sendak’s chest. His fur was so soft, and underneath, he could feel the hardness of his muscles, the way his breath made his chest rise and fall. 

Lotor traced his way down Sendak’s chest and abdomen, to just above his groin; he glanced up at Sendak, a question already on his lips, but Sendak just nodded, his eye wide and dark.

Sendak’s cock, when he took it in hand, was huge and hot and hard. Lotor could barely get his hand all the way around, and yet he knew that if Sendak was as gentle and attentive as he had been so far, it would feel amazing inside him. 

He rubbed his thumb over the ridges on the underside, and Sendak’s hips twitched.

“Such remarkable restraint,” Lotor teased.

Sendak growled half-heartedly and gently removed Lotor’s hand. “If I let you keep that up, this might be over more quickly than either of us would like.” He leaned over, towering over Lotor, and Lotor felt small, but in a good way. 

He couldn’t quite seem to catch his breath, and his heart raced, and he  _ wanted _ . “Sendak…” 

“Don’t worry,” Sendak said, ducking down to mouth at Lotor’s throat again. “I’ll take care of you.” 

Lotor whined when Sendak pulled away to rifle through the drawer of the bedside table. 

Then he sat back on his haunches, his eyes roving over Lotor’s body; Lotor trembled, even as Sendak slicked up the fingers of his flesh hand. 

“What are you doing?” Lotor asked. 

“You seem tense,” Sendak replied. “Relax for me.” He traced Lotor’s rim with one finger, warm and slick, and Lotor moaned, letting his head fall back against the pillows. “Don’t want to hurt you.”

Lotor laughed breathlessly. There were so many things he could say to that, but he couldn’t find the words to express any of them, and it was nice to simply  _ feel _ .

Sendak slowly pressed the finger in, letting Lotor adjust, before he crooked it upwards, brushing against what seemed like every sensitive spot within Lotor. 

His back arched as he tried to push back, get more of that delicious pleasure. No one had ever made him feel like this before, and they hadn’t even gotten to the main event yet. 

Sendak leaned back down to continue mouthing at Lotor’s neck while he fingered him open. A second finger joined the first, and Sendak’s fangs scraped across the delicate skin of Lotor’s throat; between those two sensations, he was on the verge of coming already, and yet he wanted this to last. He wasn’t in the right part of his cycle to keep going if he came now, unfortunately. 

He tried to find a way to express this to Sendak when Sendak nipped his collar bone and pulled his fingers free. “Ready?” 

Lotor nodded, relief warring with desire. 

Sendak made a pleased sound as he guided Lotor’s thighs into opening wider. “Like this?” He asked. “Or would you prefer a different position?”

A courtesy none of his previous partners had paid him. They had all preferred to have him pressed face-first into whatever mattress or wall was most convenient. “This is fine,” Lotor whispered, his mouth suddenly dry.

He must have tensed up, for Sendak ran his prosthetic hand up and down his side, slowly, soothingly. “Relax,” Sendak said. “Whatever you’re thinking, you don’t have to think about it right now. It’s just us. Just...be here, with me.”

Lotor swallowed and nodded, trying to let go. It wasn’t easy, but for now… For now, it was only the present that mattered. He took a deep breath and let it out. “I’m ready.”

Sendak swiftly bent down to kiss him, then lined himself up and slowly -achingly slow, glacially slow -began pushing in. 

Between the speed, the preparation, and the lubricant, it wasn’t remotely painful. Even the dull ache Lotor normally associated with penetration was absent. There was just a sense of fullness, of heat, and the tiny sparks of promised pleasure. 

Lotor jolted as the first and smallest ridge slipped in. “ _ Oh… _ ” 

“Are you alright?” Sendak asked immediately, full of concern.

Lotor nodded. “You can- you don’t have to be so careful. I’m not going to break.” 

“You’re so small and delicate,” Sendak murmured, “sometimes I forget how tough you are.” 

Lotor attempted to growl, but then Sendak pushed the rest of his cock in and  _ oh… _ It felt much bigger than it had looked, and it was already the largest cock Lotor had seen in person. 

Lotor writhed and panted. “Move already,” he whined, and Sendak huffed a laugh as he pulled one of Lotor’s legs up to achieve a better angle. 

And it  _ was _ better; he reached so much deeper like that. 

Sendak began fucking him, slowly at first, but then faster, perhaps spurred on by Lotor’s unrestrained sounds of pure pleasure. It was incredibly good, especially when Sendak bent back down to continue marking up Lotor’s neck.

Lotor had never felt like this before. He might as well have been a virgin, for all the experience he had with this. It was far better than he’d ever imagined it could be.

“You’re beautiful,” Sendak murmured. “Beautiful and lovely and perfect. Anyone who can’t see that is a fool. Gods, I love you, Lotor. You have no idea how much I love you, but I want to spend the rest of my life trying to show you.  _ Please _ let me do that for you.”

Lotor clutched at Sendak’s shoulders, overwhelmed somehow, by the words, by the sensations, by the heat building in his belly…

He came, and Sendak followed.

Sendak collapsed next to him, and Lotor laughed breathlessly, pleasantly wrung out and sated in a way he’d never been before, as if this had scratched some itch he didn’t even know he had. “Thank you,” he murmured. He would have rolled over to face Sendak, but his limbs had decided not to work. 

“I should be thanking you,” Sendak said. He propped himself up on his elbow and ran his hand over Lotor’s side and hip, down to his thigh, and back up, slowly, gently. “Thank you for giving me a chance. You didn’t have to, and given the situation, I wouldn’t have blamed you if you didn’t. But I am glad you did.”

“You earned it,” Lotor said simply. “You implied,” he began, hesitantly, “earlier, that you were trying to make up for the wedding night we should have had. Did- Was it…?” 

“It was better,” Sendak said. “It was...perfect. You’re perfect.”

Lotor glanced up, nervous and hopeful, to see the love that shone in Sendak’s eyes. He smiled, a little shyly. “Thank you,” he said again, “for being so...patient with me.” 

Sendak kissed him. “It was worth it. More than worth it.”

“I love you,” Lotor said, nestling up against Sendak, more than willing to let this quiet lassitude overcome him, just as long as he had Sendak next to him. “I’m glad it was you.”

Sendak nuzzled the top of his head, a low, rumbling purr building deep in his chest, and there was nowhere Lotor would rather have been at that moment. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, the title does come from the musical “Hairspray.” Sendak’s been a pining idiot since the first time he saw Lotor and he definitely daydreamed about their wedding (didn’t quite imagine that it would turn out like this, though).


End file.
